February 13, 2011
Dear Ms. Lemieux:
Attached to this letter, please find the revision of my Unit 1 paper. After consulting your endnotes, rereading the paper and discussing your suggestions and my questions in your office, I’ve made the following changes:
· I moved the thesis statement from the second-to-last paragraph to the first, which will situate the reader and focus my argument from the beginning of the paper.
· I eliminated first- and second-person pronouns throughout the paper. In many cases, I simply eliminated excess phrases; in other cases (as on page 3, paragraphs 1 and 2 and on page 4, paragraph 3), I re-worded sentences to eliminate the imperative tense and phrases like “as you can see.”
· I expanded the concrete analysis of my argument by supporting each analytical claim in the paper with concrete evidence from the argument. Examples appear in every paragraph except the first and last; I have chosen to use bold text to indicate concrete support rather than list all the paragraphs here.
· I changed the paper’s font to Times New Roman.
· I corrected usage errors (“there” vs. “their” and “your” vs. “you’re”).
I also visited the Writing Center, where I worked on eliminating run-on sentences. On pages 2, 3 and 4, I separated several run-ons into shorter sentences.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
J. L. Student
Joseph L. Student
Dear Professor Webb:
ReplyDeleteAttached to this letter, please find the revision of my Writing Project 1. After consulting your endnotes, rereading the paper and your helpful writing meeting, I’ve made the following changes:
1. I added the header with my last name and page number.
2. I underlined the key terms from the vocabulary lists in textbook.
3. I changed some word choice based on your feedback and my later review.
4. I corrected my mistakes in word tense and grammar.
5. I added a paragraph to conclude Lanahan’s point in “Need a College Degree to Get a Job” to explain how recent phenomena of degree inflation can intensify the problem of unequal education and its unfavored result for my audience.
6. I added reference in forms of MLA citation at the end of my paper.
7. I reviewed my paper and gave more direct explanations about the terms that may make my audience confuse through reading process.
Thank you for your time!
Sincerely,
Bonny G. Student
Attached to this letter, please find the revision of my Unit 1 paper. After consulting your endnotes, rereading the paper and discussing your suggestions and my questions in your office, I’ve made the following changes:
ReplyDelete1. I have changed verb tense throughout the passage.
2. I have add sentences to address my readers
3. I have corrected several misuse of words
4. I have revised my citation page so that it looks more formal
5. I have paraphrased several sentences that are not clear enough.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Jiaxuan H.
May 2nd, 2022
ReplyDeleteDear Professor Webb:
Attached to this letter, please find the revision of my Unit 1 paper. After consulting your endnotes, rereading the paper and discussing your suggestions and my questions in the class, I’ve made the following changes:
1. I have changed my word choice from some outdated word to vocabs we are using today
2. I shortened the amount of word I spend on describing how the mathew effect plays a role on hokey games, thus shifting the focus to education.
3. I edited my works cited page and my in text citation to make my essay more formal.
4. I fixed my grammar problems you pointed out in your end notes.
5. I revise my conclusion from a single sentence summary to a description for each of my paragraph's main idea and a call for action.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Arthur Ma
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMay 10th, 2023
ReplyDeleteDear Professor Webb:
Attached to this letter, please find the revision of my Writing Project 1. After consulting you in class, rereading the paper and your annotation, and following your suggestion and instruction, I’ve made the following changes:
1. I have changed some of my word choice to more proper vocabs, such as inner-city communities.
2. I correct my grammar errors and wrong verb tense.
3. I edited my works cited page in alphabetic order in a new page to make my essay look more formal.
4. I add more personal experience as examples to address the audience in the second and their body paragraphs.
5. I revise my conclusion from a single sentence to a description for each of my paragraph's main idea to make it stronger.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Yungong Wang
June 10th, 2023
ReplyDeleteDear Professor Webb:
Attached to this letter, please find the revision of my Writing Project 2. After consulting you in office hour, rereading the paper and your annotation, and following your suggestion and instruction, I’ve made the following changes:
1. I have changed some of my word choice and word form, such as “epic history” and “logics”.
2. I correct my grammar errors and wrong verb tense.
3. I underline five vocabularies in my essay that I learnt from class.
4. I add more details about 10000 hours rule in the fourth body paragraph as transition to address the main topic better.
5. I revise some of my sentence to make them more logical.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Yungong Wang